If I didn't have you as my guide...

I sit here writing this at 1:49 AM. I'm so angry right now. Mostly because I despise people who are fake. I sit here begging forgiveness...only because I don't really know what else to do. I don't think I've never been so disappointed in my life.

"I had a well, but all the water less,
So I'll go ask Your forgiveness with every breath"

Last night I had a conversation with someone about some issues I am having with someone and his friends. And I talked about my concerns and I was reassured that things were not as bad as they seemed. I felt better. Then that person decided to make a comment about me when he thought I couldn't hear him. And I just don't understand it.

Someone enlighten me.

But all the while, I can't help but think about what is stopping me from smothering him.

Jesus just made it seem so easy...the whole loving your neighbor thing...I'm just ready for a break from all this.

But if I didn't have You as my guide,
I'd still wander lost in Sinai
ounting the plates of cars from out of state,
How I could jump in their path as they hurry along.
And You surround me,
You're pretty but You're all I can see
Like a thick fog...
If there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long."
-mewithoutYou

But the day I seen her come out of Kerr's Mercantile and cross the street and she passed me and I tipped my hat to her and got just almost a smile back, that was the luckiest.

People complain about the bad things that happen to em that they dont deserve but they seldom mention the good. About what they done to deserve them things. I dont recall that I ever give the good Lord all that much cause to smile on me. But he did.

Sheriff Bell in No Country for Old Men

I really just needed to post this quote. Someone will know why. She will not, however, be happy that I quoted a book that she has not read yet.

But if all that's left is duty, I'm falling on my sword

This song breaks my heart...mostly because it seems to be true. I would love some comments before I talk about my reactions to it.

Edit*
In light of Dave telling to post the lyrics, I am doing so. These are from the Justin McRoberts version. And for the record, it is the version I prefer as well.

"I could hear the church bells ringing
They pealed aloud Your praise
The member's faces were smiling
With their hands outstretched to shake
It's true they did not move me
My heart was hard and tired
Their perfect fire annoyed me
I could not find You anywhere

Could someone please tell me the story
Of sinners ransomed from the fall?
I still have never seen You, and some days
I don't love you at all

The devoted were wearing bracelets
To remind them why they came
Some concrete motivation
When the abstract could not do the same
But if all that's left is duty, I'm falling on my sword
At least then, I would not serve an unseen, distant Lord

Could someone please tell me the story
Of sinners ransomed from the fall
I still have never seen you, and some days
I don't love you at all

If this only a test
I hope that I'm passing, because I'm losing steam
but I still want to trust You"


I've also probably used this before. But what the heck, I'll use it again.