I've never understood why my human nature leads me to hate people that I do not even know. It makes no sense. How can I really hate someone if I haven't a clue who they are. Yet, I do. And quite often as well. I don't mean to put even more distance between me and Christ. But I always do. I suppose it's even worse because of who I seem to dislike. Maybe hate is a bit too strong, but not always. The hatred always seems to come back to me. Some of the time, I take more blame than I should. But most of the time, I am the creator of my own problems. I wish with every cell in my body that this were different, but it will never be.
I guess my disdain is coming from my inability to accept that I'm actually okay right now. I seem to have myself convinced that I'm not okay and that I could be so much better. When the fact is that I have some of the best friends on earth who love me and will have my back if need be. So why do I feel so crowded and yet so alone? I suppose prayer will give me my answer and I probably already know it, but that's for another discussion.
"Don't try to wake me up even if the sun really does come out tomorrow"
-Anberlin
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