I wish I could heal myself. Not in a physical way, but mentally and emotionally. I never realized how great it feels to be okay until I wasn't anymore. Like the "don't know what you've got until it's gone" cliche I suppose. But when your world is totally flipped upisde down that sort of thing tends to happen. I mean, the last thing that I intended to do was hurt someone and I ended up getting hurt in the process. Just because it was an accident doesn't change that it happened and I'm still hurt about it over a month after I found out. It's the first time in my life that I can remember being sick over something that happened. Something that was totally out of my control. The who, what, where and why of pain can only make things worse. Give me no names. No place or time. No reason. I don't even want to know what actually happened. I want it erased from my mind. I want to pretend that nothing bad ever happened and I want my happy attitude back. I'm tired of crying at night for no reason in particular. Not because I'm lonely or because my grades are bad. But because I seem to only have two emotions right now. Sadness and love. Sadness that all this had to happen and that some are still being decieved and still acting the same way....okay, one. And love for all, even the undeserving, but me.
I needed this
"This is the correlation between slavation and love
don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart."
-Anberlin
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