I've been jumping over alligators, trying to cross the deadly moat...

or "How I came to dislike the Church."

For most of you, this could be the strangest subtitle ever. Yes, I am a youth pastor. Yes, I love my job and the church family I am a part of. This post comes mostly from my experience in other churches, while admitting that my church is definitely part of some of the overall issues. This also comes from conversations with friends and from over 2 years of studying Religion in college and having a chance to look at the Church as a whole from the beginning.

I was cynical at 13. I had to be. I didn't really have a lot of friends in middle school. I was pretty unpopular and middle school is about the worst time to not have a lot of friends. You're really trying to become someone before high school so that you can impress all the new people you meet with all your old friends. A buddy of mine did invite me to his church for a Super Bowl party though. I walked into that church with a chip on my shoulder. I mean, I thought I was a better person than everyone else in that room. I knew who the Christian kids were at my school and I knew how they acted. It was no secret. I grew up in a semi-Christian home. We never really went to church, but I thought Christianity was true. So even if I wasn't a better person than everyone else in the room, at least I didn't carry this religion around and claim to be. In all reality I was just trying to give myself a reason to hate those people before they could hate me. I found quickly that I was dead wrong....at least for a little while.

Church was great at first. I was accepted for the first time in my life. I felt safe. The youth group was what it should have been. It was what I want the youth groups that I lead to be. We were a family. I mean, sure we had our problems, but they were never really serious and they were dealt with quickly. I watched youth group leaders grow up and graduate and leave. Finally, as a junior I began to step into that role as a leader. I had just been called into ministry and things were going great. Looking back, that was the downfall of the group. Our youth group became what the rest of the church is. What most churches are today. All churches have flaws, but why do most of them seem to have the same flaw?

I remember watching the youth group die and thinking that it was all my fault. We went from being the strongest youth group I had ever seen to a clique and outsiders. The clique was run by these two sisters. They were two of the prettier girls in the group and everyone latched onto them. They owned that group. The focus was on them when they were there and when they weren't there (which was a lot more often). The funny thing is that the same thing was happening with the adults. The pastor's wife had worked her way into the main clique and started to control who was in and who was out. I remember watching my mother cry because that *woman* thanked everyone who had helped that night except her. And we wonder why so many people leave the Church or become agnostic or atheists. Can we really blame them? And then why do we hear about how great we are because we believe and they don't from the pulpit. It's not always direct, but it is said a lot.

I have met far too many people who tell me that they don't feel accepted in the Church. Too many have left in high school and college for the party scene because they feel accepted there. Instead of being ourselves at church we are forced to put on masks because "you have to be happy if you're a Christian." That's bull and I'm sick of it.

It's sad when a youth pastor is fired for befriending someone who is "sinful" without a purpose of bringing them to Christ. It's sad when a girl in a youth group starts partying because that is where she feels accepted. It's sad that we drive people away who just want to serve. It's sad what the Church has become in America.

Why has all this happened though? Maybe it's because the American Church doesn't seem to have a real message anymore. Or maybe it's because the Church is becoming outdated.

It IS because people have chosen to live out their "Christian lives" at church and their "regular lives" the rest of the time. Maybe that's why I'm forced to smile all the time when I'm at church. American Christians have become so obsessed with ourselves that we forget to focus on what Christ wants us to do or how Christ would want us to act. We've become so focused on procedure that we've forgotten to love.

I don't really have an answer for any of this, but I'll let you know if I come up with one.

"What a prosperous, wondrous place
Remember to say grace before we scrape our plates
And ignore the crying outside the door sure
You’ll pray for their burdens but you don’t want to make it yours
Thin lines divide but there’s a world of difference
So crawl back into your happy existence and feel the bliss of ignorance keep you warm"
-John Reuben