But if all that's left is duty, I'm falling on my sword

This song breaks my heart...mostly because it seems to be true. I would love some comments before I talk about my reactions to it.

Edit*
In light of Dave telling to post the lyrics, I am doing so. These are from the Justin McRoberts version. And for the record, it is the version I prefer as well.

"I could hear the church bells ringing
They pealed aloud Your praise
The member's faces were smiling
With their hands outstretched to shake
It's true they did not move me
My heart was hard and tired
Their perfect fire annoyed me
I could not find You anywhere

Could someone please tell me the story
Of sinners ransomed from the fall?
I still have never seen You, and some days
I don't love you at all

The devoted were wearing bracelets
To remind them why they came
Some concrete motivation
When the abstract could not do the same
But if all that's left is duty, I'm falling on my sword
At least then, I would not serve an unseen, distant Lord

Could someone please tell me the story
Of sinners ransomed from the fall
I still have never seen you, and some days
I don't love you at all

If this only a test
I hope that I'm passing, because I'm losing steam
but I still want to trust You"


I've also probably used this before. But what the heck, I'll use it again.

untitled

Sometimes I feel like I can do nothing but hurt people.

Lights Will Guide You Home

I know there are a lot of people who don't want to hear me say this and there are also a lot of people who want to hear me say this. I apologize to the former.

Lately, I've been listening to Coldplay. This stems from a conversation I had with one of my professors who asked me if I did indeed listen to them because I like Mat Kearney so much. Now, I was pretty anti-Coldplay for a while because I thought all their songs sounded the same or far too similar. I'm really digging this song called Fix You. I saw it on the HD Music Channel I get at the house and I was just blown away. It's so soothing. I looked up the lyrics and found that apply wonderfully to love (at least in the way I view it) and relationships (at least in the way I view them). I also figured that it would be a great opportunity to embed my first youtube video.



I think the chorus is the part that is the most interesting to me. I think the goal of every romantic relationship is to try to fix or complete another person. I think so many relationships fail because we spend so much time thinking about ourselves rather than remembering that relationships are about two becoming one and the two people fixing each other rather than our self-centered view when we are single.

I think home is such a wonderful idea. Home is where we are most able to be ourselves because we're a lot less worried about what people think of us. Home has so much to do with the people around us than an actual place though. I spend most of my year in a dorm room, but my home is about 30 minutes away from my dorm room, with the people I'm most comfortable with. I'm a year and a half away from being on my own for the first time. I'll be paying rent and bills and everything else and I'll be supporting either one or two people (depending on whether or not she keeps me). I'll be creating a home.

I guess my true message is to everyone, but I have one person in particular that these last few words are for.


"Lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones,
and I will try to fix you"
-Fix You by Coldplay

Why do you speak with that accent now?

I have this amazing love/hate relationship with facebook.

It is such a handy resource sometimes, but it can make me so disappointed in people sometimes. I had an experience with the latter the other day. I added a new friend who was an old friend and immediately visited his page. I looked at his wall and, let me just say, I have never seen so many white suburban kids use the n-word. I was disgusted. I mean, these are kids that I went to high school with and hung out with in my neighborhood.

Now, maybe I'm just jealous. I mean, I don't like the n-word as much as a white man can. But to be able to use any slang at all would be wonderful. I sound like a parent. Kids today are so "gangsta."

I came away from this with one conclusion. I had assumed that the top two users of the n-word are rappers and racists. I guess suburban white kids are number three on that list now.

This suburban white kid is passing on that trend.

I guess I just want people to be real.

"So who do you fool with that costume now?
Everyone knows you're not who you seem
You've got a hard way about you
For someone whose passage is already paid"
-Dashboard Confessional

Entertainment Awards Part II

I'm gonna have to hurry through these entertainment awards so I can get on with my blogging. I still have so much to say and I don't spend enough time saying it. I have my very first book review and some CD reviews coming up soon.


Best Movie: Bourne Ultimatum

I have never felt tension as thick as I felt when I saw this movie. Just great atmosphere in the theater. The movie was amazing and I'm hoping we get a fourth installment so we can find out if something is happening with Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) and Nicky Parsons (Julia Stiles).

2. Ratatouille
3. Transformers

3 Movies I didn't make it to:

1. No Country for Old Men
2. Juno
3. Gone Baby Gone

Best TV Show:

Scrubs

Did you expect anything different?

Best TV Show No One Watched:

Friday Night Lights.

Low ratings but wow, what an amazing show.

Best Video Game:

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune

This might be the best game I have ever played. The story was amazing from beginning to end. It would have been a great movie by itself, but the fact that it was a great interactive movie makes it all that much better.

Athletic Event of the Year:

Boise State vs. Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl

Boise was able to take down Goliath using a hooker and lateral and the statue of liberty play. It doesn't get much better than that.

Well, that's it for this year. Should be an interesting 2008

2007's Entertainment Awards

So, here's the deal. I spend too much money on movies, music, books and video games. There, I said it.

I figured I may as well pick my favorites of the year. I think I'll start with Music. I'll be posting these day by day (hopefully seeing some more movies along the way) so try to stay tuned.

MUSIC

Best Album- Cities by Anberlin

This one is pretty much a toss up between Emery's I'm Only A Man and Anberlin's Cities. I'm going with Cities because I think it was more of a step for Anberlin. This was really the first Anberlin album that I didn't have to grow into. It's a very close choice though and I highly recommend both albums.

Most Surprising Album- Fiends by Chasing Victory

Fiends is about the most I have ever been surprised by an album. Chasing Victory released a great album from beginning to end. There was a lot of experimentation and it was obvious, but it fit well together so there's no point in complaining. Fiends has a darker tone to it but the songs fit together extremely well and it is one of the most enjoyable listening experiences I had this year.

Most Disappointing Album- Singularity by Mae

Now, don't get my wrong, I like this album. It just didn't move anywhere. It feels like The Everglow all over again. It just feels like there is no progression at all. It was extremely disappointing and made this choice an easy one.

Best EP or Soundtrack- Fall EP by Jon Foreman

As of right now, this is probably the best EP I have ever heard. Part of a four part series based on the seasons, Jon Foreman really captures the feelings of Fall on this EP. I was not really surprised by it, just extremely happy with the purchase.

Best Rock Album- Cities by Anberlin

I could say something here, but I would just be restating my comments in the Best Album category.

Best Adult Contemporary/ Acoustic/ Folk album- Learning to Let Go by Corey Crowder

This album came out of no where for me, but this guy is getting some pretty good airplay from MTV and rightfully so. His album is wonderful. This was probably the hardest category for me to choose because of the great albums I bought this year that fall into this group.

The Best Album No One Has Heard Of- Demo by Tyler Burkum

The former guitarist from the recently broken up band Audio Adrenaline is someone a lot of people don't really know. Hopefully after reading this, you'll want to hear his music. It's a very heartfelt, honest album about life, God, and being away from the ones you love. I think we can all relate to his music in one way or another.

The Top 5:
1. Cities by Anberlin
2. I'm Only A Man by Emery
3. Learning to Let Go by Corey Crowder
4. Demo by Tyler Burkum
5. Fiends by Chasing Victory

By the time I recognize this moment, this moment will be gone...

I've been thinking a lot about Overthinking.... (Thanks for dedicating that to me Justin)

I couldn't use that song on my blog though because Justin already has it on his, so I chose another one. I asked myself what it means to "overthink." What am I overthinking about and what am I looking for?

I found that I'm searching for "Clarity"

I'm always thinking about anything and everything. All this thinking can drag me down too. For a long time I could only think about my past relationship and how hurt I was by all that happened. Then it moved to my feelings of abandonment by my old Church (something that hasn't totally left me yet). Now I mostly think about my dreams and aspirations that are directed toward fixing the Church (pretty lofty goal huh?). I think it's because I can't help but ask why these things have happened. I need to know how to handle this type of stuff. Unfortunately, this causes my brain to be filled to the max most of the time and I have to calm down before I can do anything at all.

It's seems like it's been easier to keep a clear head since I finished the semester. Here's to whatever it is I'm searching for.

"I worry
I weigh three times my body
I worry
I throw my fear around
But this morning
There's a calm I can't explain
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain"
-John Mayer